We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
