I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize