ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
MIDGETS
????
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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