Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Someone signed my nipple.
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