well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
