So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
