Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
