dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize