it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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