You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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