oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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