Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
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