I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize