What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
