That's when you crack a 10am beer
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
