Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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