why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We don't watch enough power rangers
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
