I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
