I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
