I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
