Your mouth is God's brothel.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
