You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
