found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
