he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
