just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
