Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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