I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
