she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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