Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He did a backflip because drugs
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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