normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
