Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
