I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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