I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The Olympian is in my bed
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
