We got so high we made milksteak
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
