Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
