I'm lost and stupid without you.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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