I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
