There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
