That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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