so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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