There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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