We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
