I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
