I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
