VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
