who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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