quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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