I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
