You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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