just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
