What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
