I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
