I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
