C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
