Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
