3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize