Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
