i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize