you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
