i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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