I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
