Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
