I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
