My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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