watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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