My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
