when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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