So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
